The Honey Badger, The Chicken Scrap & The Race to the Wedding

"Hi!"

I feel like for the first time in a long time that I am turning a positive corner which is good. It’s great being able to play more tennis and to enjoy a change of scenery, but I definitely am starting to miss home and look forward to coming home in the coming weeks. Wanted to share a few highlights.

The Honey Badger – I’ve dropped this reference a few times this week and I do not see this train stopping anytime soon. If you want to get a sense of my current mood, check out this video.

The Chicken Scrap – I must have forgotten it was a leap year and that I had another day to drop off the monthly check and decided to haul my ass up a hill to drop it off. I wear glasses during the day and arguably have the worst depth perception at night of anyone I know. That explains why after the drop, and while fully sober, I walked right through a branch of a tree and cut my forehead, across the side of my head and to my ear. There’s a noticeable line, one that will go away and will not leave a scar. There’s no trace of my nosering from two years ago and I believe this will go away. I thought maybe it wasn’t noticeable but lo and behold a couple of people came into my office and asked “what happened?”; to which I replied I walked into a tree. I was always clumsy – hitting my head on a radiator at age 2, burning my lip with an iron at age 3, hitting myself with my tennis racket at Waterside on that tacky tarp at age 27 and they had to glue my eye back together, and now just months shy of 32, the tree literally, “cut a bitch”. Nothing a little vitamin E can’t cure. A customer whom I would consider a friend noticed and said it gave me an edge. Looked like I was in a fight with a chicken.

The Race to the Wedding – Punkin, my little sister is getting married. In the spirit of being friendly, I disclosed this and my plans to play the LA Open to my trainer during our first session (complimentary with the new membership). He looked at me, asked me a series of questions and said wow, if you want to be in prime shape by May 15th, we’re going to have to put you through some drastic changes. I already gave up the white mocha in my Americano and thought what’s next. He laid down the law while I was on the treadmill: No sugar, no wheat, two drinks per week. I was on that thing for about 45 minutes. I cried for “Jennifer” (many of you know that’s my mother). I would walk at 3.5 mph and then we would do sprints at 5.0, then back to 3.5, and then up to 5.5 which I could do fairly easily. This went on until 7.0 mph which I did about 5-6 intervals. By this time my shirt was two colours and I thought not since The Color Purple has there been such a beatdown laid in a public setting. I then pulled it together to complete a set of burpees, pushups and lunges and then did a circuit combination of the 3 to complete the hour. I survived, felt great, chomped on some salmon and called my sister to let her know that I “love” her this much. I called JT who laughed and said her trainer put her through hell, but my hell was hotter. The net of it was I did it, I’m going to back and I will do my homework which is comply with the diet, cut out sugar and do that 7.0 mph for 30 minutes at least once in the next week.

That’s all for now, thanks for reading. Chat soon. xo

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