Change

I cannot believe it has been a month since my last blog post. I’ve fallen off considerably from my 2011 commitment to being part of the WordPress #postaday or #postaweek challenge. I knew for some time that this was going to be the title for the next post and all I needed to do was sit down and commit to putting it into words.

Change is neither positive or negative; it’s just change — the recognition that something is not what it once was. It’s the outcomes that I feel may be either positive, negative or somewhere the middle. I’m on the verge of a very big change, one that I have committed to for quite some time now and it will ultimately define what the rest of my year will look like – truth is, I’m pretty excited. Many of you reading this know what I’m referring to — and for those who don’t sit tight (I’ll blog about it via an upcoming post). For an extrovert, I am pretty introspective and private — not everything is meant to be shared and most know that. My coworkers learned that the hard way when it took nearly 2 months for me to openly admit that all of a sudden that my relationship status and living arrangement had changed with an ex after nearly 2 years.

One change that I am open about has to do with my tennis. To get better, I decided to overhaul pretty good strokes in favour of better ones – better forehand, better serve, backand, volleys, everything. I was in top shape last year and was not winning with the “decent game” that I had. I changed rackets to go back to one that was more junior and sought videos, books, new hitting partners to make what I would consider to be pretty big changes to a game that I did not think was broken. For the first half of 2011, I was losing more than winning, but felt better abut the change. I believed in the change and that the investment would yield better results. I won two tournaments (singles and doubles with my long time local tennis partner and friend) that I had never come close to winning before in April and June. This alone convinced me that it was all worth it; however I learned more than just how to hit a cleaner ball. Having played our way through the round robin draw in the doubles tournament, winning 5 and 4, 0 and 3 and then 0 and 6, for the final we found ourselves losing the first set 6-4, the first set we lost the entire tournament. I was appauled at our level of play. I even lashed out at my partner — the other team was playing unbelievably well, but I noticed our level dropped, I got frustrated because my partner whose game is excellent on all fronts laments the net and would rather push the ball and chase down hard shots was even missing with his preferred game. During that changeover before we began the 2nd set, I said to him – win or lose, this is as close as we have been together to winning a tournament, “do not play scared”. At that moment, I was full of venom and rage, wanting to kill the ball, smack my partner and then go out and kill my opponent. We ended up winning, and I didn’t apologize for my outburst, rather I channelled that energy into deliberate high-fives between points, laughter, smiles and cheering my opponents when they made good shots. What happened? I believed in the game I brought that day, and was determined to make good on all the changes and ended up winning in the end.

I see the big move that I have yet to fully own up to, the exact same way.

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