Lament in D Minor: Song of the Single Gay Man

Me: Adrian Chang

As much as I am enjoying the ‘single’ life, I have to tell you, it’s bloody hard to go through the motions of getting to know someone and filtering through all of the bullshit to determine if they are actually worth my time. I’ve gone through many dating phases in my life at the same time: the serial dater, the barfly-number-getter, the online chaser, the plenty-of-fisher and the grindr, with varying levels of success.

I myself am horrible at writing those little writeups that try to force me to spit out my deal in a tiny box (get me on a date and I’ll talk your ear off). In some of the micro profiles, I am often annoyed by all of the canned phrases that many will throw into their profiles — it’s so bad that they all read and look the same. Below are some of my favourites that you will never:

vgl: Very good looking. Really? Usually used by guys on the dl, hidden photos or are trying to get picked up by their own mother, afterall, who would call their child ugly?

laid back: I will never use this because it’s not fucking true, especially for those who know me. Guys who typically use this one are actually really boring, mellow due to substance abuse … ok, you know what, you might actually be really laid back. I need a little excitement, so guys with this tag line aren’t for me.

masc vs femm: I know guys who use both and I lament masc because the fact that guys identify 100% with being masculine or feminine is really irrelevant for determining compatibility. This speaks more to one’s fear about themselves than what they want in someone else.

Just a few annoyances. Find me and see if you catch me in a contradiction, most likely you won’t.

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